Love, It's nice to meet you.

 It's weird.

I still find myself puzzled at my attitude towards love.

Lord knows I am a hopeless romantic.

I believe in happily ever after.

Prince Charming?

Sure.

Why not, right?

Anyway, 

despite how I've always felt about love

I always acted differently.

Anytime my feelings were reciprocated I ran away like it was it was the plague. 

How do I make sense of that?

I got exactly what I wanted.

I got what I day dreamed about in class (lol) and thought about all day long.

The boy I like, likes me.

Why wasn't it ever good enough?

I'm not going to get into my entire family story because 

a) I get tired of telling it

b) I get annoyed when I tell it

but, basically: 

my parents divorced and while there is no need to get into details, there was an affair involved. 

(side note: my heart breaks for anyone that has ever been in a similar situation)

Now, I don't know if I am somehow damaged because of this unfortunate situation...but surely it had some kind of effect on me?

You obviously can't control who you like, but I remember always disliking my feeling of vulnerability. 

I didn't like that someone could potentially "hurt" me and I almost always anticipated the worst before anything ever began.

Nothing ever worked.

When I left for college I began dating and although my fears faded and I was more open, nothing lasted. 

I knew very early on whether or not this person was going to be special to me.

They never were.

I didn't want to waste my time or theirs.

Nothing ever worked. 

Then, I met L.

My breath of fresh air.

I can't stand how cheesy this (and probably the rest of this post) sounds

but I will never forget the moment I met him.

My world stopped.

Listen, as much of a hopeless romantic as I was/am..love at first sight? Really? 

If I was certain such a thing existed, this moment was the closest I had/have ever come to such a feeling. 

(side note: He was brushing his teeth when I was introduced to him..no joke.)

Problem?

He was "talking" to someone at the time.

Heartbroken?

Pretty much.

I'm not that "oh, I'll make him mine"-type of girls.

Not my personality, at all.

We hung out in a (kind of) large group and interacted a bit, but nothing special.

He was talking with his ex (his most serious relationship at the time) about getting back together. I remember my last night in Stillwater and my friend (who was dating his brother) and I spent the night at their house because they were dropping me off at the airport hella early in the morning. 

L and I had to sleep in the living room (his bedroom for the summer). 

He let me have the couch. 

How romantic.

I remember we stayed up late talking. I worked at restaurant at the time and I remember he mentioned that he wanted to visit Houston and eat at the restaurant. 

What a smooth talker ;)

Then he mentioned his ex.

He went on to tell me a little about their relationship and how conflicted he was because he was very apprehensive about getting back together.

"This is it", I thought.

My opportunity to tell him to not waste his time and to start fresh was just handed to me so beautifully.

Couldn't have been easier.

Well, I couldn't do it. 

I gave him the most honest response I could have.

I can't remember the conversation verbatim, but I basically told him that it's understandable to go with what is comfortable and what you know.

They dated for a few years, so (in my opinion) if he felt like it was worth fighting for then he should.

He listened to what I had to say and then kept talking.

He talked so much I fell asleep.

While he was talking.

(side note: he STILL never lets me live that down)

I remember feeling so good and so bad.

I felt like I sabotaged any chance I had.

Not a fun feeling, by the way.

The next morning, I hugged him good-bye knowing it would most likely be the last time I saw him.

It sucked, but I had accepted it.

We have talked every day since.

He obviously didn't get back together with his girlfriend. 

We got to know each other and talked NON STOP.

I'll never forget the first time we talked on the phone and he...didn't...stop...talking.

lol.

Seriously. He talked the entire time. So funny.

I'll never forget how I felt when he first told me he was falling for me, or where we were when he told me he loved me (where I'm sitting at the moment). 

For a girl that can't seem to remember much, I can't forget this.

In a month and a half, we'll be going on four years.

It has not been perfect, but that is what makes it so special.

We hit some bumps, but we fought hard to make it work and it was completely worth it.

We didn't have any kind of obligation to each other, but we wanted it to work so badly we worked through it and have come out so much stronger.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

L&V: non-perfectly.

-V